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14 Ways To Help Your Partner Understand You Better

It’s a different thing to understand your partner, to know your partner’s character and behaviour, it’s another another thing to know your partner’s emotional needs and to understand your partner emotionally.

No matter how sensitive someone is, understanding the emotions of others is not always simple as you expected it to be, because as lovers, you want to believe that your partner should automatically understand your emotions. No, it’s not as easy as that, there are so many reasons why it might feel like your partner never understands you emotionally, it could be you’re not communicating properly, that you’re accidentally passive and aggressive or maybe you get upset too quickly, there are different reasons, inasmuch as we have these different reasons on other grounds, it’s not easy to understand your partner emotionally If he/she doesn’t put himself/herself in that position.

Here, we are talking about how you can your partner or help your partner to understand you emotionally.
In view of doing this, you can teach your partner how he/she can behave so it will be easy for you to understand him/her.

Let’s deal with you first.

1. Avoid the use of the statement “You”
People tends to complain using phrases like “you always do these, when will you ever understand me?”. Yeah, you’re complaining, but if you want your partner to understand you, you need to avoid “you”, “you”, “you”. There are better ways of doing this, it will be very effective. instead of saying “you always hurt me”, you can say “I always feel hurt”.
There is a very big difference, you might think the word “you” and “I” is the same statement, but no.

If you say “I always feel hurt”, you’re invariably explaining how you feel and that’s the point. When you use the “you” word, the person will obviously want to defend himself because it’s more like you’re on the attacking side. Instead of your partner to feel remorseful, your partner will feel defensive.

If you want your partner to understand you, avoid using the words that has “you”, instead start using words that has “I”.

2. Go straight to the point
If you want your partner to understand you emotionally even though you might be tempted to unleash all your worries in one sitting, you have a lot of things to discuss with your partner. Doing so can be totally overwhelming for your partner and it will be counter-productive, so it’s better that you keep it short and simple when you have something emotional to say. Don’t start telling long stories, your partner might get overwhelmed with their feelings and chilled out. When you try to explain how you feel emotionally, hit the nail on the head.

3. Understand their own point of view
As much as you want to put yourself in an understanding position where your partner will understand you easily, you also have a role to play by focusing on understanding your partner. If your partner is misunderstood, then it will be hard for them to get out of their head and get into your own head.

You need to work on understanding your partner, make sure you know what is bothering them, make sure you understand their own point of view before you try to make your own point known to them.

Emotional correction is two way thing, until you put it into effort of trying to understand your partner emotionally, it will be very hard for you and your partner on the other hand to understand you even if you’re putting in your all for your partner to understand you.
So try as much as possible to also put in more effort, and understand your partner.

4. Don’t raise your voice
This one can be a little bit difficult especially when you’re angry but it works. Don’t raise your voice, it will be difficult to calm down and truly understand each other out.
Pay attention to the volume, the tone of your voice, keep your voice low as possible and friendly. Once it’s raises, it’s going to be harder for your partner to understand you even though your partner is listening.

I could say your partner is not listening at that point, he/she is just hearing what you are saying but not listening.
If your partner is taking it hot, blasting you, which is not right, low volume is the point, the tone always matters.

Take note of the volume of your voice and the tone. You don’t need to talk in an unfriendly manner, patience is a virtue in every relationship, patience is of high value.
Patience is the ability to wait without complaining. If you don’t posses this special virtue of patience, learn it. When you think you’re on the right side. It might be so hurting especially when your partner is saying a lot of words that are deteriorating your image, you don’t have to raise your voice level and the tone.

5. Relax your mind
It’s almost similar to the previous point, body language is another thing that can affect your partner’s reaction to you. It’s making it harder for them to get what you need because if you’re standing with arms crossed, you will appear like you’re not interested in the conversation or you might appear like you’re doing the defensive.

Your body language is important, make your body as open as relaxed as possible when you’re attempting to communicate complicated emotions to your partner.

6. Create a friendly environment
This should be your normal way of life. If you two are not in a normal way of sharing your emotions, a great way to start is by creating an environment where it’s totally okay to chat about your feelings. The environment could be off-air, on-air, online or offline. Some couples may find it difficult to share their emotions one on one but it’s easier for them to speak their mind on WhatsApp via text message. If that’s the environment comfortable for you, go ahead.

If you train yourself with the online thing, it will give you the boldness to be able to face yourself one on one and express your emotions.
Don’t let a day pass without having a meaningful conversation and sharing your emotions.

7. Be specific about your feelings
Lot of people are not clear about how they feel, instead of being passive aggressive, try to be clear and be someone who hit the nail on the head. Instead of you to come up with different aggressive complains, why don’t you try and be constructive in a way that you will be able to talk about what is bothering you and what will make you feel better.
Be specific about how you feel, taking note you want to address what is bothering you, how you feel about it, what will make you feel better, and if it’s possible to come true.

8. Share your own experience
Resist the urge to claque your conversation with criticism or request for checking, instead keep it all about how you feel.
When speaking about feelings, it’s important to focus on sharing your own experience, it better that way instead of trying to call for a change.

Know what you want, know your value before you open your mouth to speak. You don’t have to criticize your partner unnecessarily or ask them for a change.

9. Don’t put yourself in a “sobbing” position
You want your partner to really understand you?, it totally normal for your partner to pull into “fix it mode”, you need to fix something.
Since it’s tough to see people we care about feeling upset, but this can put a lot of pressure on your significant order from your partner and it can make you feel like “They’re not listening to me”.

So that’s why you should try and remind your partner from the start that they don’t need to offer any advice on fixing anything.
Tell the person they don’t need to help you feel better, you just want them to understand how you are feeling.

If you want your partner to understand you, don’t put yourself in a sobbing position where you want someone to tell you “sorry” or to console you. Even if you need all of that, make sure your focus is on letting your partner know exactly how you feel and not just begging for him/her to say sorry.

10. Choose your timing
If you want to have a heart to heart conversation and you want to feel understood truly, choose your timing wisely, timing is very important.
It’s not a great time to open up when your significant order is half asleep. Check out the best timing, put into consideration the time you want to speak to your partner.

Another way to put yourself in the position you’ll be understood emotionally by your partner is to figure out how to speak their love language. That will help you know how best to communicate in love with your partner.

11. Only try to connect when you’re not feeling emotional
If you have been feeling misunderstood, the middle of the heated argument is not the time to say so, the best way to get your partner to relate to you emotionally is to limit how emotional your feelings about that situation at that time. It will be easy to talk about it without nagging or yelling. When you are angry, keep mute.

12. Take a break (time-out)
If things are getting heated and you’re not feeling heard, don’t be afraid to press the “pause” button, let fresh air blow over the situation at hand. It’s not a must you settle it immediately, let time pass a little bit.

13. Say it in form of writing letters
If you know that the environment is not a one on one thing, then don’t feel bad texting your partner if that’s the best way you can express yourself, but still, don’t raise your voice or come up in an unfriendly tone. The tone can also be unfriendly even when you’re chatting, so take note of that.

14. Don’t expect too much
This deals with your brains, when you are expecting too much and you’re not getting it, you feel disappointed, disrespectful, and you feel as if your partner doesn’t regard you. Meanwhile, the problem is “you”, because you were expecting too much.

If you want your partner to understand your emotions, don’t expect too much. You have a lot of differences, be reasonable with what you’re expecting from your partner.

The End!!
I believe you have been able to learn a few things on ways to help your partner understand you better.

About the author

Oluwatobi Moses

I am Oluwatobi Moses, CEO 9jaheritage, a passionate blogger and a learner.

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